Cortex Command

There is something entertaining about controlling poor mindless robots that flop around like a free-flying ragdoll. If you’ve had the chance to try out Cortex Command, you probably know exactly what I mean. Take control of a crash dummy robot, grab an automatic rifle, and start spraying and praying as the horde of zombie-like humanoid constructions bare down on your position. Severing the link between their cortex will start their lifeless tumble, or get hit yourself and try to hold back your glee as you watch your own robots do the same. Satisfaction in victory and defeat. I love it!

When I first saw Cortex Command I was intrigued, but I didn’t know what the hell was going on. Watching videos of gameplay didn’t do the game justice, but it got me excited enough to give it a shot. And I’m glad I did because I’ve never played anything like it.

First off, a word of caution. Don’t go into this game expecting to speed through the tutorial and start laying waste right away. You will need to spend some quality time with your new friend before you take her out for a night on the town. Learning how to protect your precious cortex (read squishy little brain that you hid in the depths of your base) will come slowly but surely. I know I said videos don’t do this game proper justice, but I highly recommend watching fifteen or twenty minutes of gameplay before you try to tackle your first skirmish or campaign.

By now, you’re drooling excitedly because of how cool this game sounds, but hang in there. Satisfaction will come in time.

When you are finally worthy of that first date, you get a choice between a quick (haha, yeah right) skirmish or a full campaign. Oh, there is also multiplayer, but regrettably, I haven’t slain that beast yet. Both of the former choices are insanely fun, but my favorite mode is campaign. You are put on a planet with multiple areas that are there for the conquering. Depending on how many enemy bots you are up against, you will probably have to fight for the first couple areas that you take control of. You’ll get sent into the level with the objective of being the last gray matter standing. If you are the only one to attempt conquering, then the land is yours and you become that much richer.

Each turn after gaining your land will afford you more money based on how many areas you control, and allow you to allocate funds towards defense and base-building. If you want my advice, don’t build your own base right away. Set it to auto build and just enjoy the carnage when you get to defend or attack another base. Once you are a jedi cortex commander, as opposed to a young noob padawan, then you can try your hand at constructing a brain-protecting monstrosity. Oh yeah, back to the funds and defense and stuff…

The money you allocate towards said goals will determine how much you can spend on reinforcements, turrets, weapons, grenades, you name it. And folks, this is where the real fun begins. By far, the best part of the game is watching an army of enemy brainies (I totally just made that term up) march towards your base and taking them out one by one; or if you want to get all crazy, take them out five by five each time you drop a napalm bomb on top of their domes. That’s right, there is an array of explosives and tools of destruction at your exposure. Blow up some baddies, destroy the enemy cortex, and control every spot on the planet and you’ve finally won the campaign. World domination does sound pretty sweet…

If you aren’t convinced that this game is worth your time yet, then I don’t know what will do it. Get this game, start piloting your drop ships, snipe those metal cortex pawns, and have a blast. When you finally get the hang of this bad boy you might not want to turn it off. Lastly, make sure to call me when you want a multiplayer match cause I’m itching to napalm some real people.